Marriage for ever

The concept “Biology is not destiny” holds true in many ways in our life as individuals and how all humans should live in the most fulfilling way. The concept has relevance to the discussion (here and here) that rippled around the world accompanying the publication of  the book Sex at Dawn: The Prehistoric Origins of Modern Sexuality that aimed to prove that marriage and lifelong partners are absolutely wrong notions to apply in  guiding our sexual behavior.

   “Funny, witty and light” [my emphasis] is how a Newsweek reviewer described the book by self-proclaimed “renegade researchers”. Light in tone it may be, but the book does carry an extensive list of references. One is to a work by Heinz Dieter Heinen, one of the great authorities of the Warao of the Orinoco Delta between Venezuela and Guyana. The Warao, of whom about 30,000 still adhere to the traditional lifestyle, are among the tribal groups often highlighted as having a free and easy attitude to sexual relationships. 

  But a little research (I admit) into what Heinen can tell us shows that the sexual behavior of the Warao is not all light and joy. He says: “Not all sources are unequivocal, but the basic idea depict [sic] women as a vessel.” Another reference to how women have been in an inferior position is this: “[In] the ritual wife-lending [my emphasis] during the habi sanuka ritual … a man would spend the night dancing (and in former times co-habiting) with a woman he calls mamuse”. The next day the man gives a gift to the woman’s husband, often fostering ties, including care of children, important because of the society’s “short life-spans and high morbidity”. So from Heinen’s account of the ritual, the woman is not necessarily a willing partner, but a token to be used in safeguarding a man's descendants.
  On “Eskimo” sexual behavior, a quick read  here once again shows that “wife-lending” in the frozen north was a more complex matter than the popular imagination might have had it.
  As to what is best in human behavior beyond the biological, we know we have to struggle each day against some urges and desires because they are ultimately destructive. We know each culture has to struggle to create an environment that supports lasting relationships, along with other forms of intelligent behavior.
  Our successes in promoting human rights, for example, make clear the moral development that is possible among human society as a whole, even though the acceptance of  what can be identified as "human ecology" is uneven among world societies.
  The conclusion to be drawn from all of this is that, with mutual help, we can learn to control the behavior that lies behind much of the marital disharmony that harms our society so seriously. We can learn to shape our society in ways that supports, not destroys, families.