Life in the womb matters to these women

Myleene Klass...has three children but is mother to seven Photo BBC screenshot

Britain has just held Baby Loss Awareness Week. The BBC built up a series of videos and stories providing interviews with the mothers who have suffered a miscarriage or whose child died at birth. 

For Claire Dalles, the pain was still raw three months after losing twins in early pregnancy:

"We went from being told we were going from a couple to a family of four and within 21 weeks going back to just being the two of us," she said.

"It was devastating. I felt numb, like someone had put me in a boxing ring and knocked me out.

"It's your baby and it exists the minute you see on the pregnancy test that you are pregnant. It's the imagination, the fantasy of that life, what you will do, how much you will love that baby, what will become of it, how much your life will change and whether it is one week or 24 weeks the loss is just as horrible."

Claire lost both her babies within 21 weeks. She said that since the loss was classed as a miscarriage, she felt like her babies didn't matter and were not seen as real people. 

One of the twins disappeared about week 12. Around week 21 the other was found to be lacking several organs and the parents were advised to abort that child.

"My biggest concern was if my baby was feeling pain," said Claire. "We were told at this stage he was not feeling pain because the nervous system was not developed. So we decided to terminate the pregnancy while the baby was not feeling pain, because that was the only thing we could give our baby."

The information that Claire's baby could be aborted painlessly seems to have come from a medical staffer who told the lie (and see here: pain felt as early as 12 weeks) trying to be helpful during an emotionally draining time. Maybe the staffer was well down the slippery slope of disregard for any baby, or did not know that in 2020 Richard Hutchinson was born in Minneapolis at a gestational age of 21 weeks 2 days. His is the earliest birth of a baby who has celebrated a first birthday.

When Sally Thompson's first pregnancy ended at nine weeks she felt a sense of sadness: 

"It doesn't take long to get attached," she says. "As soon as you kind of see the two lines or 'pregnant' on the test, you don't think of a ball of cells, you think of the baby that's going to come in nine months. That's what you think about and it is sad when it happens."

She has been pregnant nine more times, but none of the pregnancies have gone to term.

Laura and Steve Hughes's son Jesse died on 19 October 2019 in pregnancy. He was their second child. Each year they light a candle to remember him. Laura:

"Any baby, no matter at what gestation they were lost, they are still a baby and are part of the family."

Naomi and Ross Coniam's daughter Norah died at birth. Naomi says some people don't recognise the reality of the child who has died:

"You do find some people say things like: 'Oh, you'll make great parents again one day'. But you want to tell them that you are a parent, just not in the way you were hoping to be one."

The BBC interviewed Myleene Klass who "has been in the public eye in Britain as a pop musician, broadcaster and classical pianist for two decades". The report goes on:

But last October she broke her silence about a matter that had redefined her life. In an Instagram post she talked about her miscarriages - not one, but four - and the agony she had experienced as a result of the loss.

A miscarriage and having to have a D&C is "horrific", she says. "It turns your world inside out... It definitely changes how you view the world."

"If you have to sign a form for a D&C you have to decide what you wish to do with the 'products of pregnancy'. Products! And to tick a box... and we hand that form to women just before they go down to theatre.

"I couldn't fill the form in. My partner did it for me.

"You enter hospital still with a baby and you leave just with your paperwork."

Klass is asked: "You say 'I have three children but I am a mother to seven'. Is that how it feels?"

She answers with a simple "Yes", and a firm nod of the head.

The interviewer: "Because you are imagining their lives still?" Klass answers again with a definite "Yes".

Given the statistic that one in four pregnancies end in a miscarriage, she says she is unlikely to ask other women if they have children..." because you just know that those questions are loaded...you just don't know what that question, 'Do you have any children?' ... is going to do to that person, that day." 

British TV actress Lacey Turner has had two miscarriages. She has a very graphic way of describing the connection between the woman and the being in her womb.

"I think you become a mother the minute you're pregnant, and for that to be taken away, that's another loss. You grieve the fact that you aren't going to be a mother as well as losing a baby. It was a loss at seven weeks."

Meeting with Lacey is Laura Bradshaw, who has had four miscarriages:

"I think about it every day. It's the first thing I think about in the morning and the last thing at night because it's consuming...it's a hard thing to go through."

The apparent lack of support for mothers who have had miscarriages disturbs Laura:

"It makes you feel that they don't take it seriously as they should...it makes it seem as if it's no big deal."

The loss of a baby in pregnancy clearly is a big deal. The BBC adds this information: 

New research published in The Lancet [the British medical journal], reveals that miscarriage doubles the risk of depression and quadruples the risk of suicide.

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