Happiness is the new snake oil

Mike King ... 'no such thing as perfect happiness'

Comedian turned mental health advocate and New Zealander of the Year Mike King has packed a lot into his 61 years. As well as his multiple roles on radio and TV over the years he is a dedicated family man and has six children. He became the New Zealand poker champion player and it was in that connection he travelled to Australia where he suffered a blood clot that brought him close to death. That scare was on top of his years-long cocaine addiction.

King is often in the media as a celebrity speaker but also in his role as a mental health advocate. Interviews that feature him get a lot of attention from the public because he has the ability to discuss serious matters directly, but with a nice touch of humour to make for a lively as well as worthwhile time.

The New Zealand Herald, the nation's largest newspaper/news website, featured King in an interview series of people of note in various fields, a kind of car karaoke, without the karaoke.

King came up trumps with his common sense approach to serious issues. He was asked, What is your idea of perfect happiness? His answer reflects his deep involvement in efforts to save kids from the effects of the new cultural forces weighing on them:

I love this question, because there is no such thing as perfect happiness, and constantly striving for it and talking about it is having a devastating effect on our kids’ mental health. Happiness is the new snake oil, and snake oil salesmen are trying to sell it to you.

This question is about what makes people really, really happy. But there’s a bit of a problem with the idea of “perfect happiness”, because it’s kind of like chasing after something that doesn’t really exist. Imagine it’s a bit like someone trying to sell you a magical potion, saying, “If you buy this, it will make you perfectly happy”.

In today’s world, there are lots of messages that tell us we can buy happiness. They make it seem like if you get a fancy car, the latest gadgets or follow certain trends, you’ll be super-happy all the time. But here’s the thing: it doesn’t work that way.

Happiness is a bit like a rollercoaster – it goes up and down. Sometimes you feel really happy, and other times, you don’t. And that’s okay; it’s part of being human.

The problem is when people keep chasing this idea of being “perfectly happy” all the time. It can actually make them feel worse about themselves because they can’t reach this impossible standard. This especially affects young people who feel pressured to be happy all the time, and that can lead to feeling stressed or sad.

So, instead of aiming for “perfect happiness”, it’s better to think of happiness as something you find along the way in your life journey. It’s about enjoying the good moments, accepting the tough ones, and not getting tricked by those who promise a quick fix for happiness. Remember, it’s okay not to be happy all the time – that’s just part of being human.

What’s the one word to sum up your mood right now?

In a word? Hopeful. It’s clear New Zealand has changed a lot recently. There’s this growing sense that we’re putting people in boxes based on their beliefs or affiliations. More and more, it feels like we’re in our own bubbles, hearing only what we want to hear.

But even with all that, I’m optimistic. I think there’s always a chance for understanding and unity. It’s my hope that New Zealanders can embrace diverse opinions, find common ground and remember the power of true community. 

What do you hope/think NZ will look like in 10 years?

I began with this idea, and I’ll conclude with it: my hope is for a more united and cohesive society. I’ve never witnessed our beautiful country more divided than it is now, and it’s disheartening. It seems that we have lost our connection to humanity, leading us to judge one another based on surface-level differences instead of seeking to understand each other’s perspectives.

The recent election serves as a stark illustration of this division, with people from all sides hurling accusations and failing to truly listen to one another. It’s evident to me that people feel unheard by those in power because in everyday conversations, we increasingly hear sighs of resignation, with people saying, “Well, what can you do?”

When we feel like our voice is lost, we tend to gravitate toward like-minded individuals who share our views. This creates echo chambers where we continually hear the same opinions. We’re pushed to view those with differing perspectives as adversarial. We’re no longer exposed to a range of viewpoints, which means we miss the chance to empathise with and appreciate other people’s journeys.

Unless we actively work to understand one another and prioritise unity over division in the years ahead, the consequences for the next generation could be devastating.

Elsewhere, King is reported as saying that his charity organisation, a free counselling service for any person aged 25 and under, has encountered soaring demand for its services, up by more than 500 per cent in just two years.

Ω More voices as part of the interview series

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