Women's full equality in the Christian family

Husband and wife ... a mutual submission of love, not of inferiority

For Christians, women and men have equal status. Christians also respect the complementarity of women and men as female and male. Women and men approaching marriage have to negotiate with each other the characteristics of that equality, how equality will play out in their real life situation. 

It's very easy for husbands to be lazy, and for wives to be overburdened but unwilling to say "No" as tasks and responsibilities multiply. That is why a clear plan from the start is imperative. Who is going to clean the toilet? Who is going to make the bed? Who is going to take a child to the doctor? It's been said often that love is not a noun but a verb. Love is not an emotion, but it is an act of the will put into effect. "I will love my spouse no matter what!"

The starting point is to recognize the facts:

Man and woman were made "for each other" — not that God left them half-made and incomplete: he created them to be a communion of persons, in which each can be "helpmate" to the other, for they are equal as persons ("bone of my bones ..." Genesis 2:23) and complementary as masculine and feminine. [Catechism of the Catholic Church, no. 372.]

The harmony of the couple and of society depends in part on the way in which the complementarity, needs, and mutual support between the sexes are lived out. [CCC, no. 2333] 

This sounds all right and proper, but how does it stand against Paul's calls in Colossians and Ephesians for wives to submit to husbands?

Scripture scholars tell us that the "household code" that Paul discusses in those two letters, and the kindred admonition to "submit yourselves for the Lord's sake to every authority instituted among men; the king ... or to governors" (1Peter 2:13) were meant to persuade the society around them that they were not anarchists, given that Christians had broken from worshipping state and traditional gods, and were living with a great deal of freedom as to customary rules and regulations.

Those hierarchical codes, inherited by the New Testament writers from the ethical writings of Aristotle and from the patriarchical setting of Roman law, worked from the superior to the subordinate. So we have to acknowledge that Paul was a man of his time in giving guidance to new believers; he was also working somewhat under the constraints set by the dominant society.

However, we can see how Paul was not to be bound by such structures. In Colossians and Ephesians, he offers advice to the subordinates first and, secondly, he addresses all the social groups directly rather than through "the head of the household" - not "Husbands, teach your wives to be submissive" as was the customary manner of address.

More importantly, there is much that is fresh in Paul's exhortations, much that breaks from custom and the traditional strictures of  family life.

Paul gives each part of the household new status by addressing each independently, expressing a dignity that he had built into church practice by admitting wives and slaves to baptism independently of husband or owner. Also, if the husband or owner became a Christian, the wife and slave did not automatically do likewise, but could make their own decisions.  

More widely in the New Testament, as to the dignity of the individual, we find family ties could be abandoned in favour of becoming a disciple when the family authority had not accepted the subordinate's personal decision. It's easy to see how the enemies of the new "cult" would be quick to accuse it of undermining established social order.

Turning directly to the implications of the exhortation, "Wives be submissive to your husbands", we see that wives have been given dignity and autonomy that supercede the patriarchical codes. Ephesians expresses an equality between husband and wife by linking all behavior to the "ideal of mutual submission to Christ" (5:21).

To look at Colossians' "Wives be subject to your husbands", this is more holy advice than a statement of a rule. The freedom indicated is that of the wife's will, so that making a decision on how to act is a matter of being "subject as the Son is subject to the Father" (1 Cor 11:3; 15:28).  As to men, "Husbands love your wives just as Christ loved the Church and gave himself up for her..." (3:19), "this not superiority associated with arrogance but instead [the] humility and love that must dictate the behavior of the baptized."  

In turn, to delve into the message of Ephesians, which whether directly or by another's hand, it is like Colossians in that it comes from late in Paul's ministry. So both are mature considerations of family life. The family code passage, 5:22-6:9, is qualified by 5:21, "by calling for the mutual submission of members one to another, and hence in a sense reverses the typical pattern of interaction in the household." Likewise, ...

Ephesians 6:9 relativizes the power of the heads of households by reminding them of the ultimate equality of all before God.

We have touched upon the constraints Paul and other New Testament writers were under, however:

Modern readers [of the New Testament] often ask why the profound sense among New Testament Christians that Christ had transformed the world did not lead to complete transformation of the social order.

The best answer seems to be that it was not seen as wise or practical to do so. ... [Paul's letters] frequently accept existing social arrangements in the process of evangelizing the urban world of the Greco-Roman city.  

Moreover, Paul seems to have been concerned that sudden changes in life or status could cause anxiety and disorder in the fledgling community (cf 1 Cor 7). 

A second element of uncertainty for some readers of Ephesians may come from "the use of marriage as a metaphor for the relationship between divinity and humanity..."

The problem lies in the fact that it is the husband who is seen to represent God or Christ and the woman who is the reflection of the human community (Church or Israel).

The marriage metaphor should never be taken, however, as a statement of male impunity in the face of female fallability.

Such interpretations are, in fact, precluded in the text itself not only by the call for mutual submission of 5:21, but also by the simple fact that both husbands and wives are [equally] part of the Church and ultimately subject to Christ. 

Ephesians is regarded as the most important text in the New Testament on the sanctity of marriage:

This text reveals that marriage can serve as a reflection of the relationship that is the very foundation of Christianity: the union between Christ and the community.

Marriage can serve as the ultimate model of self-giving love and the ultimate sign of God's dealing with the world. 

 A neat commentary on Paul's instruction is given by Fr Frank Doyle in Living Space:

The parallel between the relationship of a husband and wife and that of the Church and Jesus its Lord is full of meaning. Perhaps we have problems with the wife having to submit to her husband "in everything". But it is a submission of love not of inferiority and the same is required of husbands, who are to "love their wives just as Christ loved the Church and sacrificed himself for her to make her holy". 

Husbands are to love their wives "as they love their own bodies". They are to give at least the same level of care to their partner as they would to themselves. This clearly involves a mutual bonding of deep intensity and commitment which leaves little room for domination or exploitation by either partner. 

Proponents of "women’s liberation" may not be very happy with some of the things said about marriage and wives in that passage. We cannot change the passages which have many beautiful things in it but we do need to sift what is the Word of God and what reflects Paul’s being a man of his times. 

References:

Margaret Y MacDonald, "Ephesians", pages 1670-1686; Carolyn Osiek, "The New Testament Household Codes", page 1707; Cesar Alejandro Mora Paz, "Colossians", pages 697-1709 in The International Bible Commentary, William R Farmer ed., 1998, Liturgical Press, Collegeville, MN. 

Paul J Kobelski, "The Letter to the Ephesians" pages 883-890; Maurya P Horgan, "The Letter to the Colossians", pages 876-882, in The New Jerome Biblical Commentary, Raymond E Brown, Joseph A Fitzmyer, Roland E Murphy eds., 1990, Prentice Hall, NJ.

Ω If you like this blog, go to my Peace and Truth newsletter on Substack, where you can subscribe for free and be notified when a new post is published.