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| Families that pray together... Photo by Ksenia Chernaya from Pexels |
A scholarly book just out delves into what American parents can do to pass on to the next generation those beliefs that they and their forebears have respected and often defended at much cost. The book examinies what American parents most seek from a local church, synagogue, temple, or mosque. It explores the experiences and outlooks of immigrant parents including Latino Catholics, East Asian Buddhists, South Asian Muslims, and Indian Hindus.
The book is Handing Down the Faith: How Parents Pass Their Religion on to the Next Generation (OUP). One of its book's authors, sociology professor at the University of Notre Dame, Christian Smith, sees parents' predicament this way:
Most religious parents know that the number of non-religious Americans has grown in recent decades, especially among youth. They know that their culture valorizes autonomous self-definition, expects some degree of youth rebellion, and exerts forces they view as undermining religion. Every religious parent has heard stories about children of faithful parents who grow up to neglect or reject religion. That can be heartbreaking, and the worry that it may happen with one’s own children can be a burden.
We have seen with the "gay pride" militancy, and even more so the aggressive campaigning of the transgender brigade so that in this milieu of a post-Christian, even post-religion society, children from young ages are absorbing messages that are religiously offensive and disconcerting on the human plane. For a terrifying example of how children's minds can so easily be bent, see this TikTok post that shocks the mother of an "enlightened" child.
Where we're at
Smith has spent more than two decades investigating the spiritual beliefs of teenagers and young adults. He developed the widely used description of the overall spiritual mindset of young people, that of moralistic therapeutic deism. This term was introduced in his 2005 book, co-authored by Melinda Lundquist Denton, called Soul Searching: The Religious and Spiritual Lives of American Teenagers. The term is used to describe what they consider to be the common beliefs among U.S. youths, and it is worth looking at these to get some context for our discussion on parenting through these dire times.
From interviews with about 3000 teenagers, their points of belief were found to be:
1. A God exists who created and ordered the world and watches over human life on earth.
2. God wants people to be good, nice, and fair to each other, as taught in the Bible and by most world religions.
3. The central goal of life is to be happy and to feel good about oneself.
4. God does not need to be particularly involved in one's life except when God is needed to resolve a problem.
5. Good people go to heaven when they die.
This list shows us how superficial is the state of belief in our post-Christian world. One commentator, Rod Dreher, explains the MTD mentality:
MTD is not entirely wrong. After all, God does exist, and He does want us to be good. The problem with MTD, in both its progressive and its conservative versions, is that it's mostly about improving one's self-esteem and subjective happiness and getting along well with others. It has little to do with the Christianity of Scripture and tradition, which teaches repentance, self-sacrificial love, and purity of heart, and commends suffering - the Way of the Cross - as the pathway to God. Though superficially Christian, MTD is the natural religion of a culture that worships the Self and material comfort.
Surveying the moral beliefs of 18-to-23-year-olds, Smith and his colleagues found that only 40 percent of young Christians sampled said that their personal moral beliefs were grounded in the Bible or some other religious sensibility. It's unlikely that the beliefs of even these faithful are biblically coherent. Many of these "Christians" are actually committed moral individualists who neither know nor practice a coherent Bible-based morality.
An astonishing 61 percent of the emerging adults had no moral problem at all with materialism and consumerism. An added 30 percent expressed some qualms but figured it was not worth worrying about. In this view, say Smith and his team, "all that society is, apparently, is a collection of autonomous individuals out to enjoy life."
These are not bad people. Rather, they are young adults who have been terribly failed by family, church, and the other institutions that formed-or rather, failed to form-their consciences and their imaginations.
MTD is the de facto religion not simply of American teenagers but also of American adults. To a remarkable degree, teenagers have adopted the religious attitudes of their parents. We have been an MTD nation for some time now.
"America has lived a long time off its thin Christian veneer, partly necessitated by the Cold War," Smith told me in an interview. "That is all finally being stripped away by the combination of mass consumer capitalism and liberal individualism."
Dreher's declaration, "To a remarkable degree, teenagers have adopted the religious attitudes of their parents", draws us back to what those parents who are willing to make the effort can do to protect their children from the distorted weltanschauung gripping society.
As Smith said above, it's up to parents to make the move. He continues on that theme:
The empirical evidence is clear. In almost every case, no other institution or program comes close to shaping youth religiously as their parents do—not religious congregations, youth groups, faith-based schools, missions and service trips, summer camps, Sunday school, youth ministers, or anything else. Those influences can reinforce the influence of parents, but almost never do they surpass or override it.
What makes every other influence pale into virtual insignificance is the importance (or not) of the religious beliefs and practices of American parents in their ordinary lives—not only on holy days but every day, throughout weeks and years.
American youth who have grown up to be religiously committed almost always had parents who were very religiously committed. Successfully passing on faith is by no means guaranteed. Outcomes vary widely. Children choose their own lives.
But setting aside exceptional cases, what is nearly guaranteed is that American parents who are not especially committed, attentive, and intentional in passing on their faith will produce children who are less religious than they are, if they are religious at all. That knowledge may trouble some parents, but it can also empower.
Therefore, we can derive from Smith's work a useful list of traits and practices that will serve parents who are "committed, attentive and intentional" in providing their children with the means to develop a lasting relationship with God. From Smith's account of his findings:
1. [Parents should] simply to be themselves: believe and practice their own religion genuinely and faithfully. Children are not fooled by performances. They see reality. And when that reality is authentic and life-giving, they just may be attracted to something similar.
2. Parenting style: Though the influence of parenting style is known to vary somewhat by race and ethnicity, it is broadly true that the religious parents who most successfully raise religious children tend to exhibit an “authoritative” parenting style. Such parents combine two crucial traits. First, they consistently hold their children to clear and demanding expectations, standards, and boundaries in all areas of life. Second, they relate to their children with an abundance of warmth, support, and expressive care.
It is not hard to see why this parenting style works best for raising religious children. The combination of clear expectations and affective warmth is powerful in children’s developmental formation.
Parents should not be "authoritarian" in style, because that will invite rebellion, and coldness will preclude a close relationship. On the other hand, with a "permissive" style, parents are "signaling to their children that it doesn’t matter much what they do, including where religion is concerned". As well, a "passive" style without affective warmth nor clear expectations is doomed to failure.
Parents sometimes say they want their children to decide for themselves, but in what other area of life do we take this attitude? Do we tell childen to decide for themselves to go to sports practice or not? Whether they should learn to swim or not. Do we let kids decide for themselves whether to practice their music or not? Parents need to respect their own dignity and understand the responsibility God and society have placed upon them to guide and cherish (meaning "to care beyond measure") their young ones.
Other effective traits
The following set of traits, Smith says, work to some extent, but the empirical evidence in terms of passing on religion are clear in that they don't work as well as the authoritative but warm style of committed parents.
3. Routine Talking about Religion. As a normal part of family life during the week, [parents] talk with their children about religious things—what they believe and practice, what it means and implies, and why it matters to them. In such families, religion is part of the warp and woof of everyday life.
This does not mean such families talk about religion all of the time. But it does indicate to children that religion matters, and that it is relevant enough to the rest of life that it should arise normally in ordinary discussions of any number of topics.
Parents are also more likely to succeed in passing on religion to their children if they allow their children to explore and express their own ideas and feelings along the way, though without letting discussions turn into relativistic free-for-alls. This means granting a freedom to consider doubts, complications, and alternatives without fear of condemnation, combined with parents’ seriously engaging their children and expressing to them their own beliefs, reasons, and hopes.
4. Channeling for Internalization: Nonparental influences—congregations, youth groups, religious schools, and so on—pale in comparison to the influence of parents. That does not mean that these other factors are irrelevant. They can make a difference in the religious formation of youth, but normally they do so because religiously committed and intentional parents “arrange” for it.
The idea is that parents channel their children into involvements and relationships that reinforce (not replace) their more direct parental influence. Channeling means subtly nudging, introducing, and steering children in the “right” religious directions.
The goal of religious channeling is for children to personalize and internalize their religious faith and identity over time. When channeling is effective, children, as they approach independent adulthood, think of themselves more as people who believe and practice their own faith, rather than as kids who go along with their parents. Channeling arranges in the lives of children a variety of influences that will help this transition happen.
Research suggests that among the most important of these channeling influences is the presence of non-family adults in religious congregations who know the children well and can engage them in talk on serious topics, beyond superficial chitchat. The more such adults are present, the more a church, temple, synagogue, or mosque feels like a community or an extended family, which is itself a strong bonding force.
Smith has valuable suggestions on tapping into non-family contacts and environments that will encourage an personal and mature acceptance of belief, so read more at the source of my information.
What we parents have to remember is that society is catechizing our family - forcefully. Therefore, we have to be very intentional in creating environments in the home and in our neighborhood, and with friends and family, that do not reinforce, but mitigate the impact of the messages transmitted through the media and social networks, messages arising from those whose intent is to overturn the proven norms of morality, family life and our concept of the purpose of our existence.
Given the complexities of life and the fact that children grow to exercise their own independent agency, Christian Smith has one further valuable insight - pray:
What parents can do—really, all they can do—is practice in their own lives the faith they hope their children will embrace; build warm, authoritative relationships with their children; be mindful and intentional about steering children into relationships and activities that can help personalize religion internally; and then pray and hope that the divine forces in which they believe will lead their children into lives of truth, goodness, and beauty.
For more on this topic:
A useful book - Return: How to draw your child back to the Church by Brandon Vogt
A video discussion on Handing Down the Faith: Go hereHanding Down the Faith: How Parents Pass Their Religion on to the Next Generation (OUP, 2021) by
Christian Smith, who holds a PhD and MA in Sociology from Harvard University. Smith is the author of more than 20 books, many about the religious and spiritual lives of American teenagers and emerging adults; and
Amy Adamczyk, who is professor of Sociology at John Jay College of Criminal Justice and the Programs of Doctoral Study in Sociology and Criminal Justice at The Graduate Center, City University of New York (CUNY). She has published over 40 peer-reviewed journal articles. Her first book, Cross-national Public Opinion about Homosexuality, received the 2018 Outstanding Book Award from the International Section of the Academy of Criminal Justice Sciences.
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